Saying "no" to say a greater "yes"

I really like to be involved in stuff.  I have always thrived off being around lots of people, and I believe as one book I read stated it; it charges my batteries.  After a good girls night out, I feel refreshed, jazzed, ready to take on the world.  I also enjoy putting together events and field trips and classes, and seem to have a decent ability to make them run ok!
This presents me with a frequent conflict when it comes to maintaining some margin in my life.  So many things that come up sound like so much fun to do, and even more fun to set up!  If I am not very careful, I can easily get myself over committed and then there I am, right back in the rat race, getting things done, and not enjoying any of it.
The bible has something to say about this too when it comes to committing:
"We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing."  Psalm 39:7

I so don't want to be known for busy rushing that ends in nothing! 

So I have been saying a word more these days then I used to: NO.  

This used to be so much harder for me, but I am finding that practice is making it much easier! :)  So how do I decide what stays and what goes?  Well this, of course, looks different for everyone.  For me, I have 2 great guidelines that make all the difference.  

1. I ask my husband for his input.  Notice I didn't say PERMISSION, because that tends to bring out my rebellious side!  I confess I have gone ahead and done stuff my husband was not in favor of, just because I didn't want him to spoil my good time!  Not only was that attitude incredibly selfish, it was also very shortsighted.  God led us together for a reason, and we are a great team, if I remember I am a team player and don't start trying to do it solo!  God gave me a picture for this once, of our marriage being like a car.  I tend to operate like the gas pedal, ready to jump in with both feet and get moving!  My husband is the brakes, helping me slow down and process the best course of action, and if this is a good fit for our family. We need both of us to drive that car or we have problems! So now I ask.   He always brings up things that I hadn't really considered in the grand scheme of things, and I will tell you that the couple of times I have ignored his advice and committed anyway, I have really regretted not listening to him.  
2. I try to go back to our focus.  Whether it's a family focus or a personal one, I try to go back to our mission, and evaluate if this really fits in with where we feel God calling us to be.  For instance, I have a goal to raise compassionate kids with a heart to serve, who love to give.  Recently we committed to a once a week volunteer opportunity that allows them to give back to their community, and asks them to sacrifice their time and serve others.  Did it fit the mission of our family? You bet it did, so we MADE time to do it!    This is one guideline that really helps me avoid doing stuff just to do it, and helps me be very intentional.  It is also always a time I pray to make sure God isn't changing the mission, cause if He wants to, He can.  

 Quite frankly, there are alot of GOOD things to do out there.   I heard a saying once, I don't remember where, that said in a nutshell: saying no to good things, will allow you to say a greater "yes" 

That has always stuck with me.  Hopefully I can remember it the next time the phone rings with the next "good" thing!

The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes. - - Tony Blair

"Do whatever you do intensely.” — Robert Henri

Faster than a speeding spatula!!!!

I don't know why, but cooking seems to be one of those standards by which women gauge their success or failure.  It happens in all ages and stages and walks of life.  It seems there is some magical finish line that we all race to, and if we do not meet the expectations, then we feel like we fail.  It does not matter whether you are a working mom, a single mom, or a stay-at-home mom, we all are prone to trying to be SUPERMOM.

My mother was one of those women who made amazing food every night and made it look easy.  She was a natural at it. You know those nights where we say "I don't want to fuss tonight I just want something quick and easy."?  In my mother's world, quick and easy was seared pork tenderloin with raspberry garlic sauce.  So in many ways, my mother set the bar very high when it came to food.    As a teen, I remember not being very interested in learning to cook.   Now as a wife and mom I have found cooking can be a great joy for me!  I love to cook a good meal for people who enjoy eating.  Yes it's part of my job as wife and mom, and there are days when I don't want to do it, but for the most part it is something I enjoy. 

Working on getting off life's superhighway has made me realize I have to leave space for "therapeutic cooking".  But I also need to be ok with it when life calls for a quick frozen meal, or a throw it in the crock pot meal.  Some days I look up and it's 5pm before I've begun to think about what we are going to eat.  Praise God for frozen chicken nuggets and fries!   Some days I'm in a cooking mood and I can bake a bunch of bread and cookies and make an awesome meal.  Then there are days I just don't care, or days other things have to take precedence.  On those days, I am more than willing to accept the help a frozen bag of meatballs can give me.

As I thought about cooking, I realized that many times this is a place many of us falter and feel like failures. WHY? 

I hear it all the time.  Women "shoulding" all over themselves.  "Oh, Betty makes homemade pies, I should do that",  " Gina makes a month of freezer meals at a time! I should do that!",  "I really should make my own bread, my neighbor said it's not that hard"    Do you hear it? Should, Should, Should!   As my pastor once said "No one likes to be should all over."  

Now learning a new cooking technique is not a bad thing.  It's admirable if you have the skill and desire to make your own bread, or pies.   I applaud women who make freezer meals for weeks at one shot. 
 
Actually at some point I have tried to do all of those things I listed above.  I've done the freezer meal thing a few times, I liked the freedom it gave me.  I have made my own bread, and yes, I have even ground my own wheat!   While it was interesting to try, it’s not something I do all the time.  

Sometimes I think that cooking becomes less about actually feeding our family, and more about completing some sort of “Motherhood Merit Badge” we’ve concocted in our own minds.  At times I just end up in a frenzy of activity thinking I am doing what's best for my family when I really need to check my motivations. 

Is my real motivation to make myself feel worthwhile and valuable for something I do?  Am I trying to find validation in the completion of some “SUPERMOM Checklist” I have created from the various people I look up to?  

I need to remember that accomplishing what the Lord has for me that day, will water my soul and feed my heart in a way nothing else will. How easy it is to forget this!!!   I need to follow HIS list first, before I follow mine. 

 I know there have been times in my quest to be a good homemaker where I have chosen the wrong thing.   At times, I have gotten so caught up in cooking that I've forgotten to cuddle on the couch and read to my daughter.   Honestly, I’m sure there have been times when my kitchen has been clean but my kids have been lonely.

We all fall short. Sometimes we all end up with misplaced priorities. 

I can't BE everything.  I can't DO everything, nor should I try.   At some point ladies, we have to be ok with the fact that we simply CANNOT do it all!  Enjoy what your good at, celebrate your friend’s talents, but do not try to make yourself into a carbon copy of some woman you admire, but are not.   I have been so guilty of this at times. 

God wants us to learn new skills and grow, but not at the cost of our relationship with Him or our families. 

Lord, today help me to remember to check your list first, and to leave my own false sense of SUPERMOM behind. 

Stop Doing.....Just BE

I am blessed.  Blessed to lead the life I do. 

Sometimes I don't believe that.  

Some days I get bogged down under a mountain of dishes and laundry, and toys and filing and yard work  .................... <Deep Breath>  and my life feels mundane and ineffective. 

Sometimes it feels like in order to be significant, there must be something I should DO.   Something I must accomplish.  Something I can discuss with people to show them I am valuable.  I am just beginning to realize what a lie this is, and how deeply I have swallowed it.   

Last week was extremely busy.  I was leading an event at my church that expected to have a pretty big turnout.  So I knew it would be taxing, and would take time to prepare, as those things do!  Sunday night was the event, and Monday was going to be a regroup day.   The house had taken a beating and needed some recoup, and somehow the Laundry had once again taken on a life of it's own.  My youngest daughter had 2 classes to go to, so I had planned to drop her off  and use the time to reclaim my house from the messes! 

When I went to pick her up from the 2nd class, the girls were having just so much fun they begged for more time to play.  I was fine with that, as it gave me an opportunity to sit and chat with my other mom friend!   I stayed for another hour and 1/2, and I am so glad I did! 

Not only did I get to know this fantastic woman better, but it turned out we had sooooooooooooo much similar in our stories.  Before I knew it, we were sharing openly from the heart, our disappointments, our hurts, our victories, our miracles, and the great things God was working in our lives.  We also shared tears, and fears for what is ahead on our roads.  I left there feeling like something great had just happened. 

Something did. 

When we take time to REMEMBER all the great things God has done, it strengthens our faith.  It somehow makes us stand taller and announce to ourselves, that God knew what he was doing then, and he knows what he's doing now.  He has NOT left us, and His plan will turn out more amazing than we could have ever dreamed for ourselves!   Looking back at what God HAS done, helps me turn back to the road ahead, square my shoulders and say "OK God, let's DO this" with a determination I didn't have a few minutes ago. 


This afternoon did that for me.  I hope it did that for my friend too.  I think we both needed it!

So guess what.  My to do lists, did not get accomplished today.  Today I was not significant because of what I DID. 

BUT.........  somewhere in my heart I hear that gentle voice whispering ..... that I chose the better thing.   I chose to BE.

I am significant because of who I am, and who God has made me, and sharing that with others is significant too.

Here's where Margin comes in.  If today, I had focused on my schedule and my list, or filled my day to the brim with events, I would have missed out on an appointment God had for me. I would have missed a chance to connect with another kindred spirit who also needed to be refreshed today!   It makes me sad to think of how many times I have probably missed out on a chance to really connect with someones heart because I was too busy. 

One of my dear friends has a wonderful tag on her emails, it says "don't just give a blessing, BE a blessing."  I love that! 

Today, who you ARE can bless someone.  It may be as simple as sharing and talking. 

Did you know that you could be significant just by sharing who you ARE?  By just BEing? 

 You are more than what you can DO for people.  Who you ARE is so important.  Share it. 

I bet if you made yourself a little bit more available you'd be amazed at how God makes appointments for you.  How many women do you rub shoulders with but never get to really TALK to?   

Don't always keep trying to DO for everyone.  Take time to stop, and just BE.   That's worth something too.  Even Jesus thought so: 

As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home.  Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught.  But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”  But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details!  There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”       Luke 10:38-42

Mary chose to just BE with her Lord.  To just BE exactly where He wanted her to be, at exactly the right time. 

Martha wasn't doing anything bad (at least in our eyes), her heart and her timing were just off.  But she was missing it.

Leading events and DOing have their place, but we are missing out on God's best for us if we never take the time to just BE. 

I believe Hope is viral.....DO YOU?

I  am a very musically motivated person.  Music seems to energize me, it speaks to me in a way sometimes nothing else can.  Sometimes it can be the only thing that soothes my broken, hurting, hungry heart. It can whisper softly to my heart the encouragement I need when things are tough.  It's one reason I love to listen to Christian music and worship music.   It can have the effect of lifting my eyes back where they belong, not on my circumstances, but on HIM.   

I was doing the dishes this morning with my Itunes playing in the background.  I do that frequently.   One of my favorite songs came up in my play list, its from 1000 Generations called You Fail Us Not.  (if you've never heard it, here's the you tube link to the video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wY2xkSCK7MI ) 

Today one part of the song in particular struck me.  It's 3 simple lines of the song: 

You are bigger than the battle
you are bigger than the battle
you are bigger than the battle has ever been
He IS bigger than the battle.  Do you hear that?  REALLY hear that?  That's HOPE. 

I suddenly had a picture in my head of the Last Battle Aragorn leads in the Lord of the Rings movies, massive amounts of soldiers surround them on every side, It looks hopeless.  And life can often feel that way. 

You are bigger than the battle
you are bigger than the battle
you are bigger than the battle has ever been

I love that it repeats in the song.  sometimes I need a repeat.  I need to repeat it over and over and over in my heart, until I start to really believe it.  Until that Hope starts to grow. 

What does this have to do with Margin?  I think alot. 

What's my Hope in? 

What is my faith in? 

 What am I trusting? 

I have noticed something about myself lately.  I pray over situations alot, but how often do I truly BELIEVE God really will come thru?  

When God moves in my life, am I surprised?  Sadly I must confess sometimes I have been, and it's shown me how small my faith in Him really was. 

If my HOPE is in a GOD who really IS bigger than the battle, then my choices will reflect that.  My time will be spent differently. 

You are bigger than the battle
you are bigger than the battle
you are bigger than the battle has ever been


GOD is bigger than the battle.  Hear that in your heart today.  Don't give up, Hang on to HOPE for all your worth.

Whatever will come, we'll rise above.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
No, You fail us not.


Hold on to HOPE dear one.    Hope is Viral, and I believe it can change the world.  DO YOU?

What the heck is MARGIN?

What does it mean to have Margin?

What a question. 

No seriously, you have no idea what your asking.  At least I didn't when I first picked up the book that started it all. 

Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives.  by Richard Swenson. 

I was in the middle of one of the worst years of my life.  Desperately trying to fix what was wrong.  Frantically trying to claw my way out of the pit I was in.  When all I was really doing was effectively throwing mud around and making a mess.  WHAT WAS WRONG????? 

A dear friend suggested this book based on a comment I made on facebook.  Said I might like it.  Woh.  talk about understatement.  Little did I know when I started page one, that my life was about to take a sharp turn. 

So what is the book about?  Well, the title kinda tells you.  People, we have a problem.  Our lives are overloaded.  We are running too many places, too fast, with too many commitments.  This book is written by a doctor who has seen client after client come into his office with a myriad of heath issues all with a major problem at it's source.  Overloaded lives. 

So what exactly is Margin?  Here's his definition from the book.  "Margin is the space between our load and our limits.  It is the amount allowed beyond that which is needed.  it is something held in reserve for contingencies or unanticipated situations.  Margin is the gap between rest and exhaustion, the space between breathing freely and suffocating." 

As Grub from the movie Despicable Me would say, "LIGHT BULB". 

A few pages later I read this: 

"we must have some room to breathe. We need freedom to think and permission to heal. Our relationships are being starved to death by velocity. No one has the time to listen, let alone love. Our children lay wounded on the ground, run over by our high speed good intentions"

When did we all start letting our schedules run things and just trying to get thru and SURVIVE life, instead of really LIVING it? 

This concept of margin is relatively new to me, and it has changed my life.   The first thing I did was quit.  A lot of stuff.  Actually, God had been softly speaking to my heart for several weeks just one word.  "stop".   In my frustration and my need to DO something I was desperately trying to figure out what that meant.  Stop what?  What are you talking about?   But I kept moving at high velocity.  Then one day I just got tired.  and the word took a different tone.  stop.  stop.  ok fine.  I'll stop. 

I stopped pretty much everything.  Quit the ministry teams I was on.  Cancelled events.  Quit my Homeschooling Co-op.  Quit my support group.  Quit Quit Quit. 

With all this sudden free time, I now had time to be still.  I'm not so good at being still.

I won't take you thru the whole boring process, but I will tell you that once I stopped moving so fast, God moved in.  I finally had time to hear what he'd been trying to tell me, and I couldn't hear him in my flurry of activity. 

I have started to establish some margin in my life.  It feels good.  It feels right. 

My prayer is that I could maybe help someone else slow down enough to hear what God is trying to tell them.  Cause let's be honest, I am not the only one.  According to that author there are millions of us wandering around in a flurried daze wondering how life got this way. 

I'm still trying to figure it out.

Especially when the catalogs of events come out, with all sorts of amazing activities to do!  I'm tempted to sign up.  for all of them.  They all look great! 

BUT.....what's worth adding?  What adds to our lives and is worth getting that spot on the calendar?  Where is Jesus asking us to go, and where are we supposed to be?  Where should we be giving our time?   I am just beginning to learn that Jesus is more interested in my character, than in my calendar.  Do I really "presume that all that is good in life and all that God wants us to accomplish is possible only in a booked-up, highly efficient, often exhausted way of life" ?  (quote from the book)

AND I have 2 little ones watching me....learning.   Will they leave my home and live margin less, over scheduled lives?  I pray I have time enough to show them there is a better way. 

So that gives you a glimpse into the start of my journey.  I hope to share things I am learning along the way for as long as God tells me to do it.  

I am certainly not an expert here,  I am such a screw up.  Thankfully I do not need to have all the answers, I can go to The One who does.  

Maybe He and I can figure out my calendar together.